Hiphip Yuey!
by Clow'd9
Summary: a.k.a. Saline's fic, since she's made it her mission to review as many chapters as possible. Domo Saline, much love to ya! Summary: Yue's birthday only comes once every century which is a good thing considering what comes with it! Touya has his hands ful
1. Insanity Ensues RIP Polish

Hip-hip Yu-ey!  
  
DISCLAIMER: I do now own the CCS characters depicted but the more I write about them the more I manage to convince myself I do…  
  
  
  
Chapter 1 - Insanity Ensues…R.I.P Polish.  
  
It was minutes before midnight and the evil overlord of this tale (- sorry DrM, the position has been filled-) sat in a deformed chair comprising the characteristics of a sofa, a swivel chair, a rocking chair and a saddle, so created because the person sitting in it could never make up his mind and though the blasted creation was about as comfortable as sitting on jagged rocks and seashells it's owner considered it his duty to grin and bare it…as if he would ever admit to getting it wrong!  
  
One thing he did indulge himself in was the occasional often destructive, maniacally scary, definitively spooky but completely harmless moments of madness and Eriol had decided he was long overdue for this favourite past- time, not to mention the imminent event he'd just been reminded of being totally hilarious.  
  
The reincarnation began to shake with the onset of his blessed dementia and before he became insensible he adopted the age old pose handed down to him from a long line of nut-cases, from Ursula the Sea-Witch to King George, from Rocky in the final film after a few head slammings to Jim Carey in 'Me, Myself & Irene' (order uncertain and existence of each individual even more so) and finally (of perhaps previously) to Clow. Eriol frowned as he tried to recall where he had been going with this mental rant; this sort of sidetracking happened a lot…Ah yes. The evil overlord pose consisted of a body turned slightly more in one direction, his shoulders not entirely level and in fact one arm may have been made of lead, although many were more inclined to believe he was holding a machete, slender fingers were steepled so that his faintly delirious eyes peered over the fleshy pyramid in a satisfyingly creepy way and finally he set his right cheek a' twitching. Excellent…now where was I? Only one thing left to do now.  
  
"Mwahahaa...haha…" That's it; let it all out my son. "HAHAHAHAHAAA!"  
  
From her cross-legged position on her bed up one level from her bizarre master Ruby Moon ignored the sound as best she good and continued painting her nails with pain-staking concentration even as the volume increased. I am as still and as steady as a rock, surrounded by calm cool waters…she repeated. A steady hand meant perfect nails, perfect nails meant perfect toes, perfect toes meant perfect feet and her feet just had to be perfect to go with the rest of her perfect self. Steady, continuous, fixed, firm, stable, secure, immovable, her fuscia eyes watched in shock and horror as the pink line of paint smudged a fraction of a millimetre before she release an anguished, keening cry,  
  
"Noooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!" It can't be! Damn you, come back to me, stabilize! Stat! I am unwavering, undeviating, unvarying, unfaltering and-and all the other Un-ing's! But sadly, as the writer of this tale I must report…Ruby's stroke of varnish was beyond repair, R.I.P 14ml Maybelline Rose, issue number 207, flammable and containing extracts of acrylic and nylon hardener…you'll live in our hearts.  
  
"NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!" The Moon Guardian was inconsolable, it was her duty to look good at all times, she had failed.  
  
At that moment her brother Spinel Sun arrived on the crime scene. He slid to a halt ending up on his haunches in the bright haired butterflies arms as she sobbed into his velvety neck. He'd transformed into his false from to better protect his polar opposite from whatever danger threatened her.  
  
"It's over, all over!" She wept. This would mean nail polish remover which would mean fumes that would remain in her perfect hair and on her perfect skin, the ramifications of this atrocity were unending!  
  
"What evil is upon us sister of mine?"  
  
From downstairs the manic laughter continued. "Mwahahaha." The bereaved glared at the offending floor.  
  
"It's the master Suppi, something must be done before more innocence is lost." She sniffed. God only knew what could have happened if she'd still been doing her fingernails, she shuddered at the thought; such massacre was without parallel in the history of the celestial realm not to mention hair and makeup.  
  
Proceeding swiftly down the winding stairs the winged girl came to an abrupt halt outside her master's chamber before she knocked politely.  
  
"Ahhahah-come-hahahah-in." He called. She looked down at Spinel Sun who gave her a blatant 'I-don't-care-if-it's-a-genuine-apocalypse-I'm-not-going- near-that- guy-when-he's-in-this-mood' look.  
  
"Coward" Ruby mouthed as she inched timidly inside the door. She groaned when she saw that her master was in 'the pose' and the contorted figure continued laughing.  
  
"Mwahahahahahahahaahahah."  
  
*Five minutes later*  
  
"Ahahahahahaahahaha."  
  
*Ten minutes later*  
  
"HAHAHAHAAHAHAAHA!" Rather than abating it was growing worse.  
  
*Fifteen minutes later*  
  
"HAHAHA-."  
  
"Master?"  
  
He paused mid cackle as his butterfly Guardian dared to interrupt his all- important good humour.  
  
Ruby shifted her weigh from one foot to the other as she stood under the boy's narrow eyed glare. She opened her mouth to speak several times before wisely and cautiously walking backward out of the room. Leaning against the frame she released a loud breath.  
  
"Well?" her brother asked impatiently.  
  
"Well what?"  
  
"Did you tell him?"  
  
"Tell him what?"  
  
"Whatever it was you screamed about!"  
  
"Oh, he's much too busy…"  
  
"Mwahahahah." Very busy indeed.  
  
Spinel Sun puffed his chest. "Must I do everything!" he muttered before beginning to push the door open with his paw.  
  
"Don't go in there!" She cried dramatically, Seizing his scruff in her fist and stumbling as the animal sought to drag her with him. She let go just in time and remained outside as the door swung closed.  
  
The panther stealthily approached the half-crying figure. It didn't appear that Eriol had noticed his entrance but as soon as he opened his mouth the lavender eyes shot open.  
  
"Master I-."  
  
"Spinel Sun!" An unnaturally deep voice boomed. "Can't you see I'm busy?"  
  
Well actually no he couldn't see. "B-busy?" he stuttered.  
  
Eriol sighed and rolled his eyes before speaking to the furred creature as though to a child. "I am having a 'moment'."  
  
Suppi nodded as immediate comprehension dawned, a mad moment, a serious time of contemplation for his master. Most of Eriol's good/evil ideas came from moments such as this.  
  
"I understand," he replied gravely and turned to leave.  
  
"Hhahahahahahahaha."  
  
He turned to face Ruby's expectant face and cleared his throat a little awkwardly. "The master is having a 'moment'…"  
  
"A mad moment?"  
  
The big cat rolled his eyes in the same manner as Eriol just had. "Is there another kind that afflicts him thus?"  
  
Ruby looked at him blankly, Suppi groaned and mentally reminded himself *for future reference use common slang and modern word formations of no more than one syllable*.  
  
"A mad moment?" She questioned again.  
  
He tried once more this time hunching his powerful shoulders in a shrug and raising his paws in the universally helpless gesture while speaking the one word that that both applied to and seemed to be uniquely understandable to his sister. "Duh!"  
  
"Oh you're right, silly me!"  
  
"Mwahahahahahaha."  
  
Both Guardians cleared their throats nervously, they knew the drill. Ruby returned to her room and turned her stereo on whilst watching television and blow-drying her already dry hair. Spinel Sun removed himself to the library. Eriol was he master, it was his duty to respect his wishes and so like a good little Guardian he buried his head determinedly in a book, no metaphor intended, the black panther's action was done literally…no pun intended either.  
  
  
  
Roughly half an hour later both Ruby and Suppi heard a voice in their heads. *The moment has ended now, you may bring whatever matter you wanted to discuss to me*  
  
Suppi and returned to his borrowed form so that rather than just covering his head with a book he had managed to erect a little temple out of a thesaurus and something entitled 'The Kama Sutra For Magical Beings.' The latter must have been around in Clow's day because he was sure the lengthy annotations in the margins were in Yue's hand but the elegant style was too archaic even for him to make out. He was prevented from investigating this new find further when he heard Eriol's voice in his mind and he exited his makeshift hut to answer the command. On his way he encountered a decidedly wind-blown Ruby as she wiped a sheen of sweat off of her brow.  
  
"Now then," said the robed boy as they entered his study once more. "What did you want to say to me?"  
  
Suppi gestured toward the now pouting butterfly with the trembling wings.  
  
"What is Flutters?" Eriol urged gently, using her latest nickname.  
  
Ruby lifted a bare food despondently, head turned so as not to look upon the savaged remains of her perfect toenail.  
  
"Y-y-you made me ruin my nails!"  
  
Now, one would have expected the Sun Guardian to sneer at this and berate his sister for worrying him over nothing but having been together for…a *while* he understood the pain such a loss would cause.  
  
"Oh Ruby!" he gasped. "I'm so sorry."  
  
"I too am grieved by this news my sweet." Eriol added sincerely.  
  
The sniffles returned. " It's *sniff* done now, *sniff* I'll get over it *sniff* It just going to take time." A nauseatingly extended sniff followed this.  
  
Eriol nodded gravely. "I understand. I wish I could make it up to you." Ruby found the idea deeply blasphemous, how the hell do you make up for something for that?  
  
"But you see I have just received one of Clow Reed's rather more entertaining memories." Her master continued. The eyes of both his creations focused on him with some interest. "Concerning Yue…" he continued. The interest from both parties became razor sharp.  
  
"Tell us master!" The pair demanded simultaneously.  
  
"I shall indeed." Eriol nodded. "But telepathically for the walls have ears." and so do my readers!  
  
There was silence for a time as the reincarnation silently communicated the revelation. He watched keenly as realisation and delight dawned on one human and one feline face for no apparent reason.  
  
Gazing raptly at their responses Eriol leaned back with the superiority of world rulers, leading politicians who think they are world rulers and the totally insane who think they are both. There are no prizes for guessing which category this chap falls under…  
  
"Master" Ruby breathed. "I forgive you."  
  
Eriol nodded graciously. "I thought you'd see things my way. Come Spinel Sun and Ruby Moon, you two must join me in the rejoiceful laughter at my soul's continued evil throughout-." He paused in the midst of his booming rant. "How many decades is it now Suppi?."  
  
Conjuring an eyeglass and a calculator the creature employed his claws most efficiently on the buttons before looking back at the blue haired boy.  
  
"I calculate it as approximately three hundred and 44 days 6 months 17 hours, 37 minutes and 23 no- 24 seconds, not including the apocalyptic hoax and the fifteen years the planets inhabitants were enslaved by Sigourney Weaver -sorry, aliens."  
  
"I remember that, delightfully amusing episode…" He blinked suddenly. "I say Suppi, do the people know that they were-" He looked around the room suspiciously sensing someone's attention on him. "P-O-S-S-E-S-S-E-D?" He whispered, spelling out the word.  
  
"No master, my thinking is we should keep it quiet. I don't know about everyone else but the idea of slimy thingy-ma-bobbies gestating in my stomach just…" he finished the sentence with a shudder.  
  
"Yes, quite." He pursed his lip. "Now where was I?"  
  
"The 'rejoiceful laughter'?" Ruby prompted.  
  
"Indeed. LET US LAUGH MY GUARDIANS!"  
  
Despite initial difficulties with the searing pitch of Ruby's laughter and the fact that seldom used vocal cords dislodged a hairball big enough to choke a T-Rex in Suppi's throat the three eventually attained a perfect symphony of crazed sniggers, chuckles, chortles, guffaw's, titters and side splitting before the convulsion opera ended in a heap. It was after all an extremely amusing revelation to them all.  
  
"Enjoy you're birthday Yue…"  
  
  
  
* This is going to be good! You'll love what this story is going to be about, it's a little different and I'm not telling you anymore. Please review even if it's only to tell me how cruel I am. 


	2. Naked Thatcher Thank Clow For Austin

Hip-hip Yu-ey!  
  
DISCLAIMER: I don't own squat in this story…except the actual story itself.  
  
Chapter 2- Naked Thatcher…Thank Clow For Austin  
  
  
  
Yue had to levitate off the bed in order to see the alarm clock over Touya's sleeping form. Midnight. The night before the three full moons. Nothing special about it…so why couldn't he sleep?  
  
He drifted back down to the mattress his slight weight indenting the surface; it shouldn't have been enough to disturb the dark youth considering the strenuous activity he and the Snow Bunny had been indulging in! But still the tanned face creased into a frown and a fumbling hand quested for his lover. Yue allowed his arm to be captured in a possessive grip and watched a satisfied smile hover over the faintly parted mouth. What he wasn't prepared for was the nude, hair roughened leg that draped itself across his own. Uh…okay, this was…awkward…and kinda nice…No it wasn't! Yuck, gross, sick, pass me the bucket!  
  
He shifted closer to the wall and away from his sleeping partner and this time the human scowled…he seemed to have quite a talent for it but of course he offered no little competition. There was no real heat behind the glares and Yue himself could do it without even wrinkling his brow. Well, I guess some of us just got the knack. It's like- Hey Mr Hand, where the hell do you think you're going? Callused but elegant fingers were skating across his abdomen towards- Oh dear Clow…I am as composed and unfeeling as a rock (unfortunate imagery…), surrounded by calm cool waters, I am- Ooh, just a little lower. Almost…just a little- Stop it! I DO NOT LIKE THIS! It's like-like…the sound of cotton wool being torn in half, custard when there's a nasty skin on it, chewing tin foil with a mouth full of fillings, mixing – Ah, foul fingers go no further! Bridge is out, pay the toll, dead end, traffic lights, pile-up. Come on Yue, something truly disgusting… 'Margaret Thatcher naked on a cold day!' (Clow bless you Austin Powers) Oh yes, that did the trick but I should probably bring Yuki back to the fore…right now…like NOW…Yuki?… *Mental whistle* Here boy! Breakfast… and answer there came none. Holy shit! Since that was the most appropriate thought he decided to say it aloud.  
  
"Holy shit!"  
  
Touya shot into a sitting position and stared around his darkened room blearily. "I'm up…I didn't do it…It's Sakura's turn…I'm ill…I've got to work." After muttering a random list of his most frequent replies he yawned. "Pick one of those and let me go back to sleep."  
  
"Um Touya? If you would just rotate your head ninety degrees to the right you'd actually be able to talk to something besides empty space…"  
  
Taking his companions words literally the sleepy male attempted the Exorcist manoeuvre but still only managed a glimpse of the Guardian at the periphery of his vision. "Yue?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Yue?"  
  
The silvery being sighed, I don't have time for this. "Touya, get it through you're head that it's me and then prepare to listen because I have a little problem."  
  
"I'm sure its not that little Yue, I had wondered if you were compensating for something with Yuki's endowments, which I must say are-"  
  
"I am being serious." Yue interrupted stiffly.  
  
"You mean serious as in serious or serious?"  
  
The Guardian thought for a while, if I was a demented human what would the answer be? "Neither."  
  
"Oh! Okay I'm listening." Not with one side of your head you're not! Taking action Yue placed his suddenly inadequate hands onto the broad, warm surface of the footballers chest from behind and half pulled, half pushed him back onto the headboard.  
  
"Yuu-eey." He smirked. "Shame on you for taking advantage of me."  
  
"Oh shut up!" The Guardian snapped. The footballer toyed with the shimmering hair that had draped itself over his torso.  
  
"Say please…" With a self-pitying sigh the increasingly irritated Angel obeyed.  
  
"Please." He gritted.  
  
The mischievous human ruffled his precious hair. "Ah Yue, you know you don't have to beg!"  
  
"What!" Insufferable human! "Don't flatter yourself."  
  
Touya lifted an eyebrow. "Is that a challenge?"  
  
"Certainly not!" Yue winced at how prim he sounded.  
  
"Lighten up Moony. You're sounding your age."  
  
"I've had just about enough of your insolence!"  
  
"Now you're sounding twice as old."  
  
"Respect your elders then!" For some reason the withering glare that accompanied this had no effect…Holy Clow! Have I lost my gift?  
  
"It's kinda hard when the 'elder' is wearing bunny rabbit pyjama bottoms…" Feeling a sudden onslaught of dread Yue looked down over the naked skin of his chest to the well worn, embroidered bottoms adorning his lower half.  
  
"By the cards and all that is Clow! Who could wear such an article of, I hesitate to say, 'clothing'?"  
  
"Your false form certainly likes them." Touya teased.  
  
"Well he always seems remarkably eager for you to take them off!" The Guardian retorted.  
  
"Hmmm, yes he-." The fond smile sharpened. "Have you been a peeping Yue?"  
  
"It's my body!"  
  
Touya shuddered. "You sounded worryingly feminine when you said that."  
  
"Well since you bat for the other side I'm probably safer that way!"  
  
"I beg your pardon?" The younger man looked surprised.  
  
"Come on," Yue scoffed. "You've been after me since we first met!"  
  
"Now who's flattering themselves?"  
  
The Moon Angel snorted. "How typical of you to deny it, yo-."  
  
"Very well I wont deny it."  
  
Yue blinked rapidly. "Excuse me?"  
  
"Yue I am after you're body."  
  
"Uh…"  
  
"Move closer so I can have a grope then!" Touya formed a spider with his hand and began walking it across the rumpled covers towards the stunned creation.  
  
"Uhh…" I guess I'll continue with the non-verbal fillers until my brain is functioning again…  
  
The 'spider' stilled and a delighted smile formed. "Yue are you actually considering obeying me?"  
  
Talk about an astute human. "No!" Yes! He found himself immobilised by a pair of inscrutable dark eyes before the youth sat up straighter and folded his hands in his lap patiently.  
  
"So what's this problem then?"  
  
"I can't find Yukito." He blurted and watched as Touya's sensual mouth quirked.  
  
"Your false forms gone A.W.O.L has he?" Leaning forward he rapped his knuckles on Yue's chest over his heart and cupped a hand beside his mouth. "Hello? Yuki? You in there?" The Guardian gripped his chin within cool fingers and brought their gazes level.  
  
"Touya…I – CAN'T – FIND- YUKITO! Comprende? This is not a joke and even if I had a sense of humour it wouldn't be in such bad taste!" The dark haired human frowned.  
  
"So you're saying you can't find Yuki?"  
  
Hallelujah! "Exactly."  
  
"That's strange…" After chewing on his lip for a while that appeared to be all he would say.  
  
"Aren't you worried?" Yue asked.  
  
"Not worried…a little concerned maybe but you're still here so-."  
  
"What has that got to do with it?"  
  
The footballer looked surprised at the question. "Well you're the same aren't you…"  
  
What planet are you living on? "How do you figure?"  
  
"Lots of little things, similarities…also," before even Yue's enhanced reflexes could deflect the move his mouth was covered by the warmth of Touya's.  
  
"Mmph."  
  
It lasted only long enough for the younger male to dart his tongue within the others firm lips after which he sat back, licking his lips thoughtfully while the silvery being gaped at him.  
  
"Just as I thought…you both taste the same."  
  
"Uh…" He seemed to be saying that a lot recently…  
  
Touya seemed unfazed however. "Of course Yuki is a much better kisser…" That brought Yue out of his libido.  
  
"Why you little-."  
  
"YUE!!!"  
  
"Kero?"  
  
"Happy birthday!"  
  
"What?" Yue and Touya spoke simultaneously.  
  
"Yeah I know it's way past midnight and that's the official time but…well…I was having this really great dream about a bouncy castle that had sweets scattered all over it and when you bounced you had to catch them!"  
  
The Moon Guardian stared at him. "It's my birthday?"  
  
"It's your birthday?" Touya was evidently in shock that he even had such a calendar event.  
  
A sleepy Sakura entered the room her emerald eyes gradually forming saucers in her cherubic face. "It's your birthday?"  
  
"Its…my birthday…" And I'll cry if I want to…where the hell did that come from!?  
  
Cue ridiculously misplaced birthday music  
  
  
  
  
  
* I really don't like this chapter but it was taking too long to update so I just scribbled it down. Please review. I mean come on, I get points for the fact we still don't seem to have a plot right? 


	3. Denial No it's not!

Hip-hip Yu-ey!  
  
DISCLAIMER: I don't own the characters...I may even deny writing the story…  
  
  
  
Chapter 3- Denial  
  
  
  
"Stay back! I'm warning you."  
  
"Awww come on Yuueeee." Kero wheedled.  
  
Sakura made with the wide-eyed innocence. "It's a birthday tradition!"  
  
"Nonsense. I don't remember Clow ever giving me the bumps!"  
  
Kero snort was hardly subtle and the words that followed surely classified as a stage whisper. "Come on Yue, you two rarely did anything else!"  
  
The Moon Guardian glared at Touya when he failed to smother a snigger while Sakura smiled cautiously in the way people who have totally missed the 'joke' usually do.  
  
Yue rolled his eyes. "It is not my birthday!"  
  
Brrrriiiiiinnnnnngggggg!  
  
"That'll be the phone!" Sakura cried, eagerly escaping the rather too adult orientated 'humour.'  
  
"Hello?"  
  
"Where's the birthday boy!?"  
  
"Uhh…"  
  
Eriol tsked. "He should be awake…that was the plan-." Ruby Moon interrupted. "Is he there?" She could hear Eriol flapping his hands to silence her. "I don't know. Is he there Sakura?"  
  
"Ye-es…"  
  
"He's there Ruby, ca-." The butterfly girl squealed. "Give him a great big sloppy kiss from me Sakura!" After a pointed pause Eriol began again. "So ca-." His Moon Guardian clearly wasn't finished. "Actually no, I want to kiss him myself." The reincarnation cleared his throat no doubt picturing the scene. "I wa-." Suddenly Suppi's cultured tones sounded along the line. "You think you'll have a chance with him now Ruby?"  
  
Sakura frowned. "Wha-."  
  
"From the sound of it Sup's even *you* will!"  
  
"Shh!" Eriol hissed. She thought she detected a snicker from the panther but dismissed it as he spoke again. "Please convey my best wishes Sa-." The interrupted caller had clearly had enough. "Who is the master here!?" Ruby clicked her tongue. "Is this a trick question?" 3, 2, 1- "Oh for fu-." Sakura hastily covered the earpiece and hummed loudly to herself before returning to catch the end of what her friend was saying.  
  
"Can we come over tomorrow- well, today that is…later, after five?"  
  
"S-sure."  
  
"SAKURA? YUE WANTS A PARTY!" The walls vibrated as Kero yelled down the stairs.  
  
Yue's own voice was far quieter but approaching panic. "I do no-."  
  
"You're having a party!?" Ruby shrieked.  
  
Oh no. "W-we-."  
  
The young magician sounded thoroughly pleased when he interrupted her…in fact he sounded a lot like he did back when he was 'testing' Sakura's worthiness to be the Card Mistress. "Atta girl, get the old stiff into the spirit!"  
  
"I heard that!" Yue yelled through the ceiling.  
  
The Bewildered Readers Front: "How the hell-?"  
  
Ever the pragmatist, Spinel Sun addressed the real issue. "I'll bring the cheese dip-."  
  
"I heard that!" Kero yelled gleefully  
  
The Bewildered Readers Front: "What the fu-."  
  
Sakura made one last ditch attempt, "But guys, I-." She failed.  
  
Ruby's idea of a nightmare had begun. "That only gives me sixteen hours to get ready!"  
  
The Cardcaptor tried not to laugh when Suppi replied. "I agree. You can't expect cosmetic miracles in under forty-eight hours…"  
  
"At least I use a soap to wash myself and not just my tongue!"  
  
"My hygiene is-."  
  
"Non existent! I hate to think what other body parts you lick!" The butterfly Guardian's screech was deafening.  
  
"Why you little-."  
  
"No please guys! I don't think I can cope with round 67." Silence followed the reincarnation's touching plea…CRASH!…clearly the silence before the storm.  
  
"I'm gonna kill you!!!!!!!"  
  
Eriol sighed. "This could be brutal Sakura, I have to go. See you later".  
  
"Bu-." The phone went dead  
  
She put the phone down slowly. The two Guardian's and her oniichan traipsed down the stairs. Be calm…just breath…  
  
"Sakura!" That couldn't be Yue whining. "Tell Kero to stop being a prick!" She blinked, yes this was Yue…a rather more…uh, expressive Yue wearing…bunny rabbit pyjamas. "I'd rather wash my hair in a bird bath than have a party."  
  
The Sun Guardian shrugged. "Why hide the way you feel?" The Moon being responded by snatching the plush out of the air and squeezing him like a hamster…suffice to say his eyes bulged.  
  
"I am far from hiding my feelings right now Kero." He growled warningly.  
  
It was the Mistress' duty to calm her Guardian's so she rushed suicidally into the fray. "That's alright Yue. You deserve a party so if you really want one I'll-."  
  
"I – do – not – want – a – party!" Kero wriggled from his fist, gulping in air. Yue continued. "I simply started humming this wretched song that's gotten stuck in my head and then Kero-."  
  
The miniature creation had unfortunately regained his breath. "It was the party song!"  
  
Sakura was shocked so she looked at her oniichan for confirmation. Touya nodded solemnly and scratched his bare stomach. "He clearly has repressed birthday party issues probably brought on by over exposure to pass-the- parcel-."  
  
"It's my party and I'll cry if I want to, cry if I want…" Yue faded out and sniffled tearfully.  
  
"- or possibly musical chairs…"  
  
"It's so sad!" The Guardian sobbed and promptly banged his head against the wall…repeatedly…when he showed no sign of stopping Touya laid a comforting hand on his shoulder.  
  
"There, there."  
  
Sakura shook her head. "I'm sorry Yue, I had no idea. Of course we'll throw you a party-."  
  
Her Guardian shook his head slightly and seemed to refocus with difficulty. "Why would you do that to me!? After my…uh, months of grudgingly faithful service…."  
  
As gently as possible…but not without a certain amount of enjoyment being derived from it Touya spoke. "Yue, you have issues."  
  
Kero nodded in agreement. "You were singing the party song bro…"  
  
The Guardian looked thoroughly appalled. "I would never!"  
  
Kero glanced at his mistress who shared a knowing look with her brother. 'Denial' their faces said.  
  
"I am not in denial." Yue insisted, folding his arms in a manner that would have been impressive were it not for Yukito's pyjamas.  
  
Sakura held her hands out placatingly. "We never said you were."  
  
The Angel sniffed sulkily. "You're look said it all."  
  
Touya thumbed his chin pensively. "Yue if you think we think you're in denial  
  
Sakura finished on a note of revelation. "Subconsciously its *you* who thinks you are." The siblings smiled self-importantly.  
  
That was enough from the birthday-boy-in-denial. "What utter bollocks!"  
  
Kero blinked, Sakura sweat-dropped and Touya frowned. "Now just because it's your birthday it doesn't mean you're allowed to swear."  
  
"Kiss my a-."  
  
The Sun Guardian shook his head violently. "I'd really rather not hear your celebration plans.  
  
"If you don't behave you won't get a cake!" The Mistress threatened.  
  
Yue framed his cheeks in mock horror. "How awful!"  
  
Kero's eyes watered. "Do it for me…I simply must have cake!"  
  
"My heart bleeds Kero, truly. Is anyone worried about the fact I can't find Yukito?"  
  
Sakura pursed her lips. "I would be but...well you're still here aren't you?"  
  
"Are you all on crack? What the hell does that have to do with anything?!"  
  
Abruptly Touya flung his left arm out and pointed up the stairs. "That's it Yue! Go to my room!"  
  
"Fine!" The Guardian shot back as he spun around and stomped loudly up the stairs while they waited for the predictably vicious slam of the bedroom door.  
  
Brother and sister shared a despairing look. "Guardians…"  
  
Kero nodded then frowned for a moment. "Hey!"  
  
  
  
  
  
* I am currently lost is a sea of randomness…let me know if you spot any hints of a plot…oh, and please review. 


	4. A Touchy Subject

Hip-hip Yu-ey!  
  
DISCLAIMER: Yes they're mine! All mine! Mwahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha- (Warning: severely delusional writer)  
  
Chapter 4 - A Touchy Subject  
  
It was 1pm when Touya made his way back up to bed which made Yue exactly ??? years and one hour old. Sleep had been delayed because he and the kaijuu had been trying to get the Sun Guardian to spill the details of his brother's age. Surprisingly Kero refused;  
  
// "Yue's a little_touchy_ about his age, my life would be short and my death painful if a told you."  
  
Touya persisted. "But we are talking three figures right?"  
  
"Well duh!"  
  
Sakura leaned forward suddenly. "Um Kero..how old are you?"  
  
"Me? I'm- oh I see, very crafty. Nope you're not getting round me that easily." The siblings looked glum for a moment. "Suffice to say the candles are not going to fit one cake, or two..ooh! Can we have three cakes Sakura?"//  
  
Touya paused outside his door, took a deep breath and then entered.  
  
Yue had left the curtains and window open so the room was lit by moonlight and the Guardian himself was curled up facing the wall hopefully asleep.  
  
With careful movements Touya unbuttoned his shirt until he was left wearing the underwear he slept in.  
  
He crept very slowly on to the bed and under the covers. Yue did not stir so he breathed out in relief and relaxed against the pillows finally ready to sleep. His eyes drifted closed, -  
  
"There is no way I'm wearing those pyjamas."  
  
-flew open-  
  
"I fully intend to burn them. I'm better off in the nude so stay over your side of the bed and we shouldn't have a problem." Yue's voice became muffled as he turned his face into the pillows. "'Night."  
  
-and did not close again for a long time.  
  
"Goodnight." he managed and listened enviously to the Guardian as he managed to find sleep.  
  
*************************FLASHBACK- dream**************************  
  
Clow was heavily sympathetic. "It's alright Yue, it happens to us all."  
  
"Did it happen to you?" Yue glared at him.  
  
"Well..no."  
  
"To your parents?"  
  
The mage clearly felt sickened by the idea. "Er...no."  
  
"Your friends?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Have you ever known it to happen to a human?"  
  
"Okay..maybe not exactly like this but we go through some crazy fazes."  
  
"*This* is beyond crazy."  
  
He smiled charmingly. "What's so wrong with you finding yourself hopelessly attracted to your devilishly handsome creator?"  
  
Yue rolled his eyes. "Whatever, I'm going to get off you now."  
  
"Please take your time, no hurry here"  
  
**************************END FLASHBACK**************************  
  
Yue shot forward in bed....Touya's bed..in his true form, his own body. He squinted slightly at the tanned shoulders of his bed partner on display to him. Touya had a nice body..very nice indeed..  
  
With that coherent thought process out of the way the Guardian flopped back down back into a blessedly dreamless sleep.  
  
  
  
The following morning was bright and cheerful, the sun shone benevolently, the birds chirped generously it was a time of picturesque scenery, calm reflection and bountiful giving-  
  
"SHUT UP!"  
  
..Yue was not a part of the postcard.  
  
He yanked the covers viciously over his head and wriggled further down the mattress.  
  
"Bloody racket, bloody sun, bloody morning, bloody twenty-first century, bloody Houdini false forms, bloody-"  
  
"Yue!"  
  
"What?" He growled through the quilt.  
  
Touya scooted primly away from the submerged head. "Get your head out of there!"  
  
"Why? I'm the one that's naked."  
  
The youth looked pained for a moment but fortunately Yue was too buried to notice. "I haven't forgotten that Yue."  
  
"So are you going to close the window or am I?"  
  
"Only if you won't peak."  
  
"Oh please! I've seen you naked loads of times. I'm there during every *study* session you and Yukito have."  
  
Touya scowled then rolled over and turned his back on the creation. "Fine then, you'll just have to suffer the unforgivably happy birdsong of morning."  
  
Yue reared back and took the covers with him. "NO! I'll do anything, anything!"  
  
"I just want you to close your eyes." The dark haired human hissed as he scrambled for the protective corner of the quilt.  
  
Yue nodded. "Okey-dokey."  
  
"I mean it Yue."  
  
"Righty-ho."  
  
"Promise me."  
  
The Guardian drew the solemn sign on his chest. "Cross my heart and hope to die."  
  
After the creation dutifully squeezed his eyelids closed Touya slid warily from the warm bed and padded over to the window. As soon as he closed it the sounds Yue found so obnoxious disappeared and he turned back to the bed.  
  
"You promised!"  
  
Unabashed amethyst eyes travelled leisurely up his practically naked body until he was grinning into the furious face. If Touya hadn't been a little bit miffed he might have paused to dwell on the grin but as it was-  
  
"How could you!?"  
  
"Ha! I don't have a heart and I can't die!"  
  
Touya scowled and crossed his arms unaware that the pose did wonders for his chest. "That was low Yue!"  
  
The expression in the Guardian's eyes altered and his eyes glinted in the dimmed light of the room. Touya's mouth dropped open when he shifted off the bed and stalked towards him leaving the bedding behind.  
  
"Yue!" He choked.  
  
"Hmmm?" The Guardian was looking distractedly at his boxer-clad body.  
  
"You're still naked."  
  
Pencil fine eyebrows rose suggestively. "I'm sure you can *handle* it Touya." Somehow he managed to dodge the saucy gaze and instead looked down, unintentionally down over the Guardian's entire body.  
  
He was just as slender as Yukito but surprisingly muscular..very muscular in fact. He looked determinedly to the side, a pink stain overriding the dark skin of his cheeks.  
  
"Awww you're blushing!" Yue giggled delightedly and Touya turned crimson. "Would you like me to put some clothes on?"  
  
Of course I don't! "Hell yes!"  
  
"Do you really *really* want me to get dressed?"  
  
"Yes!"  
  
"It's gonna cost you."  
  
"How much."  
  
The reply was instantaneous. "Four hundred and thirty-seven."  
  
"What!"  
  
"Any less than that and I'll still have tangles, I'm telling you that's the minimum wage."  
  
He'd just woken up and he was developing a headache. Touya concentrated on his breathing. "You're talking about brushing your hair right?"  
  
Yue stared at him as though studying the path of dementia the human was 'clearly' suffering from. "It's the only currency I deal in Touya."  
  
"Figures." He muttered but quickly found a pair of Yukito's jeans that he had to roll up at the ankle because they were too long and a hauled out one of his own shirts to accommodate the broad shoulders.  
  
"There." Yanking a pair of jogging bottoms on and a t-shirt he turned his back while the Guardian changed and swore viciously when he had to explain the intricacies of one, the zipper and two, the socks. He did the zipper up himself which had him blushing all over again but the being refused to wear the socks. Touya didn't argue, I mean when you're faced with a deranged creature that has an arsenal of firepower literally at his fingertips you don't do you?  
  
Combing the hair was actually not so bad. It calmed the Guardian instantly and Touya managed to match his breathing to the brush strokes..granted by brush stroke number three hundred and seventy-eight he was in an advanced state of meditation but that's the price you pay when your sister is the Card Mistress and your lover has a split personality..  
  
The Guardian tested the length of his hair for tangles and found none. "Okay that'll do."  
  
"Yes." Touya intoned blankly.  
  
Yue waved his hand in front of the slack face. "I'm going downstairs now."  
  
"Yes."  
  
The being chuckled. "You're a big stupid lout aren't you?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
He considered briefly. "Go take a cold shower with your clothes on Touya."  
  
"Yes." The drone replied and glided diligently towards the bathroom with Yue following him out of the room.  
  
"I rule.." He frowned at the silence that greeted his announcement. "Don't I Touya!?"  
  
"Yes." The answer drifted down the hall and Yue nodded with satisfaction and skipped down the stairs. Halfway down he spotted Fujitaka.  
  
"You look great!" he cried and the man looked up from sipping his tea. He could only raise his eyebrows as the Guardian strode towards him and preceded to tidy his hair, straighten his tie and dust off his jacket shoulders. "Perfect." He declared with satisfaction and pulled out one of the table chairs in order to better appreciate his 'perfection'..  
  
..A few minutes of avid attention and Fujitaka was getting uncomfortable. After looking everywhere but at the beaming Moon Guardian the man decided to speak.  
  
"Um.I am-."  
  
Yue rested his chin on his hand dreamily. "Very kawaii, I know."  
  
"Uh."  
  
"I don't see why Touya should get all the action, after all he got his looks from you and I have plenty of stamina  
  
Fujitaka nearly spat his tea across the room and was in the process of thumping his chest when Clow deemed it time to intercede and erased the last few compliments from his mind.  
  
"As entertaining as this is Angel I don't think Touya would appreciate you pursuing his father so-." He clicked his fingers pausing Yue in mid response to his presence, afterwards Yue would have no memory of why he had halted with his mouth open. Clow stared as the parted lips for a moment then at the cup and plate in front of him. Moving quickly he pushed both items in front of his creation then took a grape form the fruit bowl and popped it in his mouth.  
  
"Now I think its time-." He sat back in his seat and clicked his fingers again.  
  
Yue blinked and tried to focus on the words being spoken opposite him.  
  
"-for me to be going." Fujitaka concluded.  
  
Yue looked down at the table as the other man grabbed his jacket and briefcase, called a goodbye to his children and left the house.  
  
His mouth fell open when he saw the dirtied crockery in front of him and in doing that he discovered it was already open so he closed it...and almost choked. With his eyes watering he removed the foreign body from his mouth and stared at it in horror.  
  
"Holy Clow!"  
  
"CHIKUSHO!" someone cursed from above his head. "The water's bloody freezing!" Touya yelled.  
  
Yue's birthday celebrations had begun..  
  
  
  
  
  
* Don't ask, just don't ask! 


	5. Gigi The Cat

A/N: I got the name Gigi from a French novel called 'Gigi' by Colette who also wrote one called 'The Cat' For want of a better chapter title I blended the two.  
  
  
  
Hip-hip Yu-ey!  
  
  
  
DISCLAIMER: Here on Clow'd9 I *do* own the CCS characters, you are all welcome to ditch Earth and cruel reality to come live with me. . .for a small fee.  
  
  
  
Chapter 5 - Gigi, The Cat  
  
  
  
"Go away." Touya slammed the washing machine door closed. Eight hours after the cold shower incident and he still hadn't forgiven the Guardian. "I'm not talking to you."  
  
". . .You just did." Yue pointed out.  
  
"Shut up."  
  
"There you go again."  
  
The doorbell rang and the human stomped away. Yue laughed and started to follow until he heard-.  
  
"Avon calling!" Ruby yelled.  
  
Yue froze directly in the firing line. It was the stuff of nightmares. The 'it' came towards him, moving ever closer and leaving a perfumed path of destruction and deep emotional scarring in her wake before noisily landing a kiss on the birthday 'boy's' mouth.  
  
With true maternal instincts Tomoyo shielded her camera from the sight, Syaoran clutched his sword not that one hentai! and courageously defended his girlfriends back. . .in other words the wimpy little shite stood behind her. Everyone else was at the front line. . .  
  
Random News Reader: "Some readers may find the following report. . .disturbing."  
  
After wrestling the tenacious, face sucking breed of creation off him Yue managed to splutter in between scrubbing his mouth. "If that. . .was my present . . .don't you think. . .rat poisoning. . .would have been kinder?"  
  
In years to come it would become a tale that made grown men cry Yue of course could not take time out to release the pain because he was to busy hunting for sulphuric acid to rinse his mouth out with.  
  
"Circumcision would have been kinder." Touya muttered sympathetically offering the being a wet flannel.  
  
Ruby watched Yue try to erase his lips with the cloth and frowned. "But I tho-."  
  
"Ruby! Spinel! Help me with this will you." Eriol was struggling to bring something big, *very* big through the doorway. With a *little* help from five humans and four Guardian's the second 'it' was finally propped so that the panting removal crew could inspect it.  
  
The reincarnation dusted his immaculate shirt. "You know we could have used the 'The Little' for this."  
  
All eyes swung to him but as the elected 'I don't give a crap what you do to me I'm gonna damn well say what's on my wind 'cause I'd rather have verbal diarrhoea that verbal constipation' spokesperson according to my calculation you should have been lost by word 8 only Touya voiced his. . .discontent. "Why didn't you feckin' well say so!"  
  
Eriol looked shocked. "Because that would have been. . ." He wrinkled his nose. "Helpful."  
  
The tall youth thought briefly. "Ah yeah, sorry man." The oh-so-manly slap on the back reconciled them to bestest non-buddy status.  
  
Attention returned once more to the 'it,' the fruit's of the back straining labour, the pinnacle of physical sacrifice, the breaker of Ruby's nails, the truly mammoth task, the colossal monument, the-."  
  
"It's a teddy bear!" Eriol cried finding that holding an expectant 'ta-da' expression made him want to burp. "Actually its from Ruby. Her idea you see."  
  
"Uh." Yue stared up, up, up (x 78) at the bear with a violent pink bow-tie around its neck. "I can see that."  
  
Ruby bounced forth. "'Cause it's so big that means you're my *extra* special person!"  
  
The Moon Guardian's smile was strained. "Yay me. . ."  
  
Sakura was still looking warily at Yue's present when Eriol glanced her way. "Don't worry, I won't make this one grow and then go on a suicidal rampage to kill you and destroy Yukito's house simply so I can get my sadistic kick of the hour."  
  
"You don't need to Eriol, it's-." Kero glared up at the black, beady eyes.  
  
Tomoyo struggled to be polite. "Well it's-."  
  
"Huge." Yue supplied.  
  
Touya sniggered. "Still compensating eh Eriol?"  
  
Eriol dismissed the luke warm reception to the gift. "Well you need something to keep you warm at night." He wiggled his eyebrows suggestively and Touya took extreme offence.  
  
"You suggesting I can't do my job?"  
  
Yue was looking at the toy with increasing distrust. "It'll probably crush me."  
  
"We can but hope. . ." Kero muttered.  
  
"Hey!"  
  
Touya ceased glaring at the reincarnation. "Don't worry Yue, you'd be amazed what I've put you're body through and you always come back for more. You're very resilient."  
  
"Don't get me confused with Yukito!"  
  
"How could I? Yuki's so sweet, so sexy. . .not like you at all."  
  
"Shut up! Place Yukito in front of a serving of Vienetta and a naked hog- tied Touya and what do you think he'll chose?"  
  
Ruby looked thoughtful for a minute than slapped her Master's hand down as they both decided the answer. "I know, I know! To eat the Vienetta off the naked hog tied Touya?"  
  
The footballer smiled nostalgically. "Yeah. . .I'll never forget that night. . ."  
  
Eriol rolled his eyes. "Anyway, now for my present and Clow's of course."  
  
The occupants of the room stepped back until many a back was pressed against an enclosing wall as Eriol reached inside his satchel gingerly, everyone gasped and tensed waiting and alert for whatever hell beast and/or thing would appear. Huge calculating eyes. . .a wet nose. . .needle sharp teeth. . .razor claws. . .scaly-no, fluffy skin-fur, hold on. . .  
  
"It's a kitten!" Eriol cried. The whole room breathed a sigh of relief except for Syaoran who it must be said. . . screamed. . .like a girl.  
  
"Keep it away from me!" Sakura was staring at her big strong provider, her future mate, her true love and her thought process was clear 'guess I'll be wearing the pants in this relationship then.'  
  
"I have allergies." The Chinese boy defended and was happy when the attention shifted back to kitten and its new owner.  
  
Yue held his hand out hesitantly for the tiny animal, a wisp of smoky grey fur and enormous blue eyes. Once its miniscule weight was settled the Guardian cupped his other hand gingerly around the fragile rib cage.  
  
"It's so tiny." He whispered.  
  
"It's a she."  
  
"She. . .thank-you Eriol." He didn't look up but the words were completely genuine. "She's beautiful." Yue's eyes were rapt even as Tomoyo took the chance to film the uncharacteristic moment. "She's perfect." The kitten took to her new master instantly and burrowed closer, the Guardian cradled her and sat on the sofa next to Touya while Syaoran edged around and into the furthest chair.  
  
For minutes the moon creation was too engrossed to notice anyone else in the room so they began chatting once the new pet had settled down and started purring but stopped again when Syaoran held up a hand.  
  
"Sakura, do you have air conditioning?"  
  
"Not on, why?"  
  
Tomoyo concentrated slightly. "I can hear a fan somewhere."  
  
Touya's spoke up quietly. "It's Yue."  
  
True enough the Guardian had dropped his head back on the sofa a contented smile on his face as he matched the kittenish sound being made against his chest.  
  
Ruby and Spinel started sniggering to themselves. "Now I get it!"  
  
Touya looked up sharply. "Get what?"  
  
"Nothing." Ruby declared innocently.  
  
Eriol shook his head with his cherubic schoolboy smile. "Zilch."  
  
"Zip." Clow insisted. . .that would be the first sign something was going on.  
  
"Nada." Spinel finished with a grin. . that would be the second.  
  
The suspicious footballer continued glaring for a while longer.  
  
  
  
Two hours later and Yue had made a make-shift bed for Gigi (only Spinel bothered to ask why he had named his kitten that and the resulting literary discussion was extensive)  
  
"Yue I'm surprised at you! Colette wrote flimsy short stories and all of them were a load of drivel."  
  
"Well since you're voicing that opinion with a mouth that no doubt frequently visits your lower anatomy forgive me if a don't crumble in my opinions."  
  
Spinel was about to transform and pounce when a yawning Gigi prowled over and hooked her claws into her new masters leggings, like a gent Spinel restrained himself and allowed Yue to carry the fluffy bundle upstairs.  
  
He stayed scratching the tiny felines under belly until she fell asleep, he was lying on the bed with her in her own little cocoon when the eyes similar to his own finally closed and he made to get up, then stopped. He inhaled deeply then hugged the pillow to him. Touya's scent was everywhere and the Guardian felt a shift in his consciousness his thought process seemed to narrow to one being and one. . .event  
  
"Mmmmm." He sighed before replacing the pillow and returning to the party with a naughty gleam in his eyes.  
  
When he re-entered everyone except Spinel was engaged in a heated debate about the all time greatest party games and he waited expectantly until the panther approached him again clearly eager to get back at him.  
  
"You know Yue, I think I have a book of yours."  
  
"Oh really?"  
  
"Yes. . .let me think, what was the title? Ah yes, The Kama Sutra For Magical Beings." He waited for a response from his sort-of-brother but none came, the Guardian was staring intently at Touya. "No doubt you want it back. . .?"  
  
"Not at all Suppi, feel free to use it for your own conquests, there are plenty of positions you should be able to accomplish, the four legged variety that is." The panther plush gaped but Yue just smirked and settled back against the wall to watch his own new conquest.  
  
  
  
"And that is why I never cut cloth on the bias line." Tomoyo declared with satisfaction and watched her listeners nod with understanding.  
  
It had to be said though and Touya was always likely to be the one to say it. "Exactly how did me get from Pin The Tale On The Donkey to stretch fabric?"  
  
Everyone shrugged then turned their heads at the sound of an unfamiliar and frankly evil chuckle, Eriol felt his Evil Diploma being threatened and frowned at his former self's former Guardian.  
  
Yue had been stood watching the proceedings from his nonchalance pose against the wall but now the others watched as he strolled forward, looped his arms around Touya's neck and swung into his lap.  
  
"You are soooo sexy."  
  
Touya could only blink when the Guardian started pressing kisses against his neck. "I can see why Yukito chose you. . .he has such good taste. . .hmmm. . .speaking of good taste." He started sucking on Touya's neck.  
  
"Um. . .Y-Yue, what are you doing?"  
  
"I'm kissing you." Well technically he was sucking. "Technically I'm sucking you." Touya choked slightly. I can think of other places I'd like to suck too, Yue thought. "I can think of other places I'd like to suck too." Yue said, his words muffled against the warm neck. We should have sex. "Lets have sex."  
  
"N-nani?" Touya stuttered and managed to see his sister's face over the Guardian's roving head, her mouth was clearly ready to say 'hoe' but no sound was emerging. He also noticed Suppi wearing his specs and taking notes, also watching fixedly was Ruby Moon as she sat cross-legged and scoffing popcorn. . .just to her left was the popcorn vender otherwise known as Eriol. Touya found it hard to narrow his eyes when Yue fastened onto his earlobe. "A-ah! Th-that tickles!"  
  
Meanwhile in Yue's thought-(contradiction in terms)-process;  
  
Kami, he really does taste fantastic, I wonder if his - suddenly he was Yue again. "Ah! Get him - me. . .what the-?. . .get me off him!" The being scrambled inelegantly of the youths comfortab- excuse me, *uncomfortable* lap and landed in a graceless heap on the floor glaring through a tangle of hair. "How could you let me do that!?"  
  
Touya gaped. "What? I didn't do anything!"  
  
"Exactly. It's like sexual harassment to the third degree refracted and reflected and then squared. . .divided my the modal area of a series of six perpendicular objects."  
  
The Bewildered Readers Front: *blink*  
  
Cambridge Mathematician: "What the deuce is he on about?"  
  
Yue rethought his last. . .rather nonsensical words. By the Clow. . .it couldn't be. . .no. . .it was some kind of nightmare. . .he'd wake up soon. . .obviously he wasn't getting-.  
  
Touya hunkered down in front of the floored angel. "Yue? Are you alright? You seem kind of-."  
  
"I AM NOT GOING SENILE!" The cool, calm, collected and. . .cucumber- ish creation roared.  
  
Sakura held up her hands. "No-one said you were-."  
  
"I'm too young I tell you!"  
  
Tomoyo offered her comfort. "Yue everything will be-."  
  
"I'm in the prime of life!"  
  
Touya approached the being with caution. "We know that, just cal-."  
  
"I can't be loosing my faculties already!"  
  
"Yue. Will you plea-."  
  
"I'm only 1, 948 years old!" Yue slapped his hands over his mouth and groaned.  
  
*Gasps all round with a side order of rapid blinking*  
  
Character cameos;  
  
Touya's thoughts: So even if he only had one lover every ten years that still adds up to 194 sexual encounters. . .he must be a minx!  
  
Sakura's thoughts: Note to self; do not ask Yue's opinion on anything fashion related. . .may need four birthday cakes.  
  
Tomoyo's thoughts: Growing up in a world with no camera. . .right now he needs love and comfort, he has suffered much, been deprived of- oh Sakura- chan is soooo kawaii!  
  
Syaoran's thoughts: I hate cats, cats are eeeeeeeeevil, I love dogs, Meilin is the only exception  
  
Spinel's thoughts: My this is a fascinating project. . .I think Gigi was checking me out!  
  
Eriol's thoughts: Maybe if I shrunk the teddy. . .or exploded it so we were swimming in stuffing or-.  
  
Ruby's thoughts: If I was a guy I'd probably look like Yue. . .if I was a girl-.  
  
Kero's thoughts: Four cakes should be enough. . .I think Gigi was checking me out!  
  
Yue's thoughts: Error - no data.  
  
Meanwhile upstairs - Gigi's thoughts: "Kitten log, day forty-two of nine lives. Have adopted human pet, evidence of inbreeding between other two felines, pedigree looking doubtful. Objective: mark territory, malt all over brown haired boy (do not like). Estimated time of total sociological breakdown in one. . .  
  
Two. . .  
  
Three.  
  
Yue: "NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOO-."  
  
Jerry Springer's Final 'Thought': "Learning to love yourself is the greatest gift of al-."  
  
Anon Backstage Dude: "Psst! Copyright."  
  
Jerry Springer's Final 'Thought' (take 2): "Always look on the bright side of li-."  
  
Anon Backstage Dude: "Once more mate, don't worry if you screw up again I've heard of this company that do 'great' dubbing. . .Nelly-something"  
  
Jerry Springer's Almost Final 'Thought': "Nelbaka?"  
  
Anon Backstage Dude: "That's the one - Okay people! We're rolling aaaaaaaaaaaaand ACTION!""  
  
Jerry Springer's Final Final 'Thought': "Senility is merely ones second childhood only this time around you're actually prescribed drugs and you get a pat on the end for talking a load of bollocks. . .just look at me."  
  
CUT!  
  
Producer Dude: "Ah man, Jer, that was deep."  
  
Yue: OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOO!!!!!!!! 


	6. The Kitten and The Mastiff : round 1

Hip-hip Yu-ey!  
  
  
  
DISCLAIMER: I'm beginning to think the characters in this fic are so OOC that they do in fact belong to me, they're like a mutant variant of the CLAMP originals. . .I have no idea what I just said. . .  
  
  
  
Chapter 6 - The Kitten and The Mastiff - Round 1  
  
  
  
"If you'd like to take a seat in the waiting area Dr. M will be with you shortly." The obnoxiously perky assistants name tag read 'Grace' and she was obviously sneaking something from the medical cabinet at regular intervals.  
  
Both men cautiously backed away from the toothpaste commercial grin and took the only two remaining seats in the smelly room.  
  
"Wow, lucky break us getting the only cancelled appointment hey Yue?"  
  
The being held up a flashcard. 'I'm not talking to you.'  
  
"Isn't that my line?. . .Yue?" But the Guardian was much better at the silent treatment than Touya was so he sat back crammed between a mentally unstable Judgment Maker and an elderly woman with blue rinsed hair and a Chihuahua on her lap. . .the reader must chose the lesser of the two evils.  
  
In order to have his new pet vetted as inconspicuously as possible Yue was wearing an ankle length coat, under which his hair was knotted around his waist, a black bowler hat covered the top of his head and the pulled up collar hid the rest of his unnaturally silver hair from view. . .uhhh, well add the heavy black shades and he was probably about as inconspicuous as an actual *customer* in the Millennium Dome. . .*before* it closed.  
  
Gigi was sat serenely on the Guardian's lap cleaning again, germaphobe that she was, until the canine occupants became aware of her presence and she became embroiled in a staring match with a giant Mastiff.  
  
"Who's a pretty boy then?" A young woman cooed at the caged parrot across from them.  
  
"'Fraid he don't talk lover." The owner drawled.  
  
"See Yue? You're just like that parrot."  
  
The Guardian concentrated on the parrot briefly as the woman tried again.  
  
"Come one, who's a feathered bishounen?"  
  
"That's you too!" Touya cried and Yue finally retaliated. . .in an unexpected way.  
  
"Squawk - dumb jock, squawk!"  
  
The parrots glassy eyes blinked and the owner's ruddy cheeks wobbled as he gaped. "Well I never! 'E ain't never done that before."  
  
"That was low Yue." The footballer muttered and then Gigi stretched and flexed her claws right into the edge of his thigh. Looking like a proud father Yue rubbed her neck.  
  
"Goooood kitty."  
  
"You just spoke!"  
  
The Guardian scowled. "Not to you-." He looked furious when he realised his defeat.  
  
Gigi however was far from being outdone, the Mastiff had forgone the staring competition in favour of salivating off-puttingly. The kitten yawned then hissed when the dog barked at her 'audacity'.  
  
Yue cuddled her protectively. "Don't worry sweetie, he's about to be castrated anyway. Rejoice in the end of a bloodline and pity the fact his breed takes forever to snuff it." Gigi sniffed disdainfully and curled up.  
  
For the next fifteen minutes the only highlight was seeing the canine 'opposition' being dragged away to certain emasculation. . .in fact it was so boring the writer decided to change scenes-  
  
  
  
"So what do you thinks the matter with Yue?"  
  
Kero snorted, jabbing furiously at the game console. "Where to begin!"  
  
"You know what I mean!" Sakura scolded. "Is he really going senile?"  
  
"Of course not! That's just him being melodramatic, I think it's just that time of the century for him."  
  
  
  
"So what exactly did you mean by 'that time of the century' Eriol?"  
  
The reincarnation leaned back in his big red chair. "I told you, Yue is about become as randy as a young buck."  
  
Ruby rolled her eyes. "I know, I know, 'as horny as a Rhino' but *why*?"  
  
Eriol smiled nostalgically. "When Yue was first created he matured *very* quickly, I suppose you could say that-."  
  
  
  
"-he skipped puberty altogether but thanks to his feline attributions he gained a different weakness." The golden plush snorted. "Clow always insisted he had 'absolutely - snap his staff and cut his hair - no idea that *this* would happen."  
  
  
  
"What *did* happen!?" Ruby cried eagerly.  
  
Eriol smiled again and allowed Clow Reeds memories to surface.  
  
FLASHBACK  
  
"-and that is how you weed the garden!" The mage cried triumphantly as he stood looking flushed and happy before handing the Dandelion remains to his new Moon Guardian.  
  
"That was_fascinating_Master, could you please demonstrate once more?"  
  
Clow nodded immediately, its not like he hadn't been expecting the request, it was the thirteenth time after all. He bent over again while Yue watched *avidly* from behind.  
  
"So." He grunted. "You take a firm hold of the base aaaaand pull!" He stood once more and winced a little. "'Course this isn't good for your back," he moaned and he stretched, gasping slightly when strong hands began kneading the strained muscles. Yue wasn't usually so tactile.  
  
"Um. . .Yue?"  
  
"Hmmmmn?"  
  
"Are you feeling. . .okay?"  
  
"I feel good, reeeeeeeaaaaaaaally good." The hands moved more purposefully. "So do you." He murmured.  
  
Clow turned around slowly. "I-I'll show you how to. . .uh. . .trim the hedges."  
  
"Oh." The Guardian cocked his head. "Will you have to bend over for that too?"  
  
END FLASHBACK  
  
"And that's when they. . .?" Ruby prompted.  
  
Eriol's eyes were wide. "When they what?"  
  
"You know. . ."  
  
"But I don't know, I'm just an innocent little school boy." Spinel sniggered.  
  
"Come on Eriol! Lets have some details." The butterfly girl squealed.  
  
The reincarnation shook his head. "Sorry guys, Clow stays out of my private, life I stay out of his."  
  
The panther and his counterpart exchanged a look. "Actually Master," Spinel began. "You remember that time you went 'sleep walking'?" Eriol nodded. "That was Clow coming to fill us in on the juicy details of your latest Tomoyo related dream. . ."  
  
TRAITOR! The reincarnation yelled mentally. "Alright. I'll tell you the rest." He growled and his Guardian's secretly marvelled at the gullibility of humans.  
  
  
  
Touya was beyond relieved to leave the Veterinary Hospital with Gigi's clean bill of health, Yue had lost control of himself in the waiting room when he found out the man with the parrot was about to get the birds wings clipped. He'd turned all the animals on the owner, the dogs had started snarling at him, the cats hissing, and even the rodents had started knawing on their cage bars. When his own supposedly mute parrot had started insulting him the man left in tears. . .Yue had been in tears too. . .almost rolling on the floor with them.  
  
It was while they were walking home that Touya sensed a difference in his companion. The Guardian was whistling and. . ...skipping.  
  
"Yue, are you feeling. . .okay?"  
  
"I feel good." The being let out a wolf whistle at a young girl that sashayed passed. "Reeeeeeeaaaaaaaally good."  
  
Oh God, thought Touya as he quickened his pace.  
  
  
  
"So how long does it last?" Sakura demanded.  
  
"I don't know! I was only a cub at the time."  
  
"But I-."  
  
"SAKURA!!" Almost tripping over the step in order to escape Touya turned to his tormenter. Yue was doing hopscotch up and down the garden path. "I'll go on in okay Yue?" He called. The Guardian looked up and threw the pebble so that it landed just outside the door.  
  
"Oops, could you get that for me?"  
  
Muttering under his breath Touya stepped out and bent down. "There." He said as he threw the stone back disconcerted by the sly smile on Yue's face. "Is something wrong?"  
  
"Looked perfect to me." The silver eyebrows wiggled above the black glasses.  
  
The human shook his head, "whatever" and went inside.  
  
Sakura met him with a look of total pity on her face, even Kero looked sympathetic.  
  
"Nani?"  
  
They Card Mistress and the plush swapped glances.  
  
"There's something we have to tell you."  
  
  
  
When he went looking for the Guardian again it was both quite a few hours later after hiding in the garden and with great caution. He found him, minus his disguise, at the top if the stairs playing with a Slinky.  
  
"Um.Yue-."  
  
The simply *riveting* child's toy clearly could not compete with Touya's place in Yue's - ahem, *affections* and he was immediately awarded undivided attention. "Yessy?"  
  
"Yue I-."  
  
"Whaty? The being replied with equal cheer.  
  
"This is serious-."  
  
"Indeedy?  
  
"Stop that!" Touya barked.  
  
"Alrighty. . ." The human breathed a sigh of relief. "Can we have sex?" Relief turned to shock.  
  
"No! Yue we need to talk."  
  
"During or after?"  
  
Shock turned to exasperation. "Before!"  
  
The Guardian wagged a long finger at him. "That wasn't one of the options now was it?"  
  
Have you ever tried speaking to a brick wall? Well Touya gave into the urge and banged his head against one while Yue watched affectionately. Soon the Wood Pecker thumping brought Sakura into the fray.  
  
"Oniichan? What are you doing?"  
  
Touya stopped denting his skull and looked up to find the Moon Guardian still studying him with a smile quirking one corner of his mouth and both eyebrows raised daringly. Touya accepted the challenge (he's a selfless lad ne?) with the barest nod of his mistreated head and Yue clapped his hands gleefully.  
  
"Nani?" The Card Mistress asked impatiently, even more terrifying than the sight of her Guardian doing a victory dance was her brother's defeated expression, he wasn't actually going to. . .  
  
Her Guardian leant over the banister and whispered down loudly. "We're going to have sex now. . .shhh!"  
  
Sakura blinked. "H-hoe. . ." She watched her older sibling, her role model being dragged away to certain. . .uh. . .certain, well, you know.  
  
  
  
"You know what I mean. . ."  
  
Spinel nodded gravely at his Master but his smirk was far from serious. "It rings a bell."  
  
"Not with me!" Ruby cried.  
  
"Put it this way Ruby, if Keroberos was in Yue's condition food would be the last thing on his mind. . ."  
  
The Moon Guardian still looked blank so the panther tried again.  
  
"If *I* was in Yue's condition his foxy little kitten Gigi would need to use The Shield Card as a chastity belt."  
  
Eriol laughed approvingly while Ruby dwelled on the cryptic explanation and after ten minutes almost fell out of her chair. "Yue's in heat!"  
  
  
  
Everybody who feels sorry for Touya please raise your hands. . .  
  
Everyone who doesn't, please review?  
  
  
  
  
  
* Sorry for the really crappy chapter (my writing's going down hill at the mo, I'm a bit distracted), sorry its so disjointed and I just couldn't resist using Dr Megalomania as the vet, I didn't go further than mentioning her though 'cause I knew I'd end up devoting the entire chapter to parodying 'There Lies Hope.' 


	7. Desktop Possibilties

Ooh, I'm definitely rusty  
  
  
  
Hip-hip Yu-ey!  
  
  
  
DISCLAIMER: You know the drill.  
  
  
  
Chapter 8 - Losing It.  
  
  
  
"Yue." Fujitaka acknowledged warmly.  
  
"Fujitaka." Yue returned, prowling down the stairs.  
  
"Have you been here all day?"  
  
The Guardian nodded and stared intensely at the other man as he came to a halt in front of him. The human began to look a little nervous and cleared his throat before speaking a third time. "What have you been doing?"  
  
Yue could feel his mouth pull at the corners gradually being drawn into a full smile. Doing? Well, your son actually. "Oh, this and that..." and that and this...Fujitaka raised his eyebrows encouragingly for more details. Cute, Yue decided.  
  
"We-ell," he began, slipping his arm around the tall mans shoulders. "I suppose the main highlight of the day, the climax as it were, was taking your son, bending him over his desk and-."  
  
"FOUND IT!" Touya yelled taking literally the last eight steps at once as he bounded down to them. "You were right Yue, it had fallen behind my desk."  
  
The Guardian rested his head on Fujitaka's shoulder delighted to see his lovers eyes narrow at the sight. "What had?" He asked disinterestedly.  
  
"The thing I was searching for." The youth's eyes had gone from pleading silently with him to play along to demanding it.  
  
"Oh *that*..." Yue said watching as Touya relaxed. "I thought you found that earlier, you screamed even louder then." He could hear the young mans knuckles crack as he clenched them and the shrill sound of his teeth as he ground them. The Guardian turned to his other subject. "Your son is extremely vocal, especially when-."  
  
Touya lurched forward -"YOU'RE HOME!" His sister cried as she threw herself at their father, Touya had never loved her as much as he did at the moment.  
  
"My daughter's rather noisy too." Fujitaka chuckled scooping the exuberant girl up fully absorbed as Touya disengaged Yue's arm from around his shoulders.  
  
"Honestly Touya," The 'angel' complained as he straightened and stood on his own. "Even a Guardian needs support sometimes, searching for 'the mysteriously untitled object' residing behind your newly initiated bed/desk is exhausting work'." A nerve began twitching in the humans jaw.  
  
"Hmmn?" Fujitaka queried as he stopped listening to his daughters eager chattering and realised he had missed an important part of the conversation. "Sorry I missed that."  
  
The Guardian was more than happy to fill him in. "I was just saying that-."  
  
Touya interrupted again. "He's going to come to my room and help me."  
  
Yue's expression became sardonic. "Have you lost something else?"  
  
"Thats right!" His lover bit out before grabbing his wrist none-too gently and dragging him away.  
  
"I'm just gonna help Touya find something else," the Guardian informed the other two humans, obstinately refusing to speed up. "I have a hunch it'll be the bed this time."  
  
Sakura was having trouble not covering her ears because for one as young as she was she had far too clear an idea of what they really did in her brothers room and she didn't what to think about her oniichan or her Moon Guardian in *that* way!  
  
  
  
  
  
As soon as Touya pushed his disobedient lover inside his room the being promptly bent over the bed, careful not to disturb his kitten and skilfully thrusting his bottom in the air.  
  
"Nope, can't find it Touya."  
  
The young man rolled his eyes and addressed the pert derriere "Give it a rest Yue."  
  
"All you ever do is rest!" Yue cried exasperatedly as he collapsed gently on his front still managing to barely disturb the mattress. "Fujitaka seems far more active..."  
  
The faint sound of scuffed denim told the Guardian that his lover had taken the bait and come forward. "Don't even go there Yue."  
  
"Why? If you don't love me I should really cut my losses and move on and your father is really growing on me. He's taller than you, almost as tall as Clow..." Yue rolled onto his back and stared at the ceiling with an appreciative smile moulding his lips. "I like that. Fantastic shoulders too, slim as any youth and his smile..."  
  
"That's enough." Touya said briskly but with an underlying hardness to his tone.  
  
"I wonder what other traits he shares with Clow...just between you and I, Clow went wild just at the sight of me in the doorway when he was writing, I could make him loose it just by leaning over him fresh from the bath and whispering in his ear...he found me very beautiful." Touya made a small sound in the back of his throat. "What about you Touya..?"  
  
"Me?"  
  
"Hmmm." The angelic body stood and stretched, the fine bones of his jaw exposed as he rotated his head. "Do you find me beautiful?"  
  
"No."  
  
Yue blinked, he could spot a lie instantly...Touya was telling the truth.  
  
"O-oh." He wasn't vain but he was used to people finding him appealing. "Oh." He repeated.  
  
He studied the wall opposite him, this wasn't going according to plan, how do you seduce someone who doesn't find you attractive? He'd managed it last night...sort of.  
  
"Oh." That seemed to be the utterence of the hour.  
  
"I think you're exquisite Yue." The Guardian looked up swiftly and opened his mouth to form the necessary reaction but Touya forestalled him.  
  
"Let me guess, 'oh'?"  
  
Yue shuffled closer. "Then why don't you want me?" He asked in a small voice.  
  
Touya knew he was being played but his heart was somehow programmed to react to such behaviour and he automatically gave reassurance.  
  
"I do want you, the problem is I want all of you, not just you're body. It seems that now the only thing you haven't shared with me is your heart and your thoughts."  
  
"My thoughts aren't actually distinguishable from sex at the moment."  
  
"I noticed that." The human responded dryly.  
  
Gigi roused herself to plod over to Yue's side and climb onto his chest. The Guardian stroked her ears absent-mindedly making a determined effort to put his mind on a different track. He looked at a foortball poster on Touya's wall, football - Touya - sex... well that was obviously going to happen, time to think of something boring, the sun - hot - Touya - sex. Hmmm. Okay, pavement (good start) - hard...maybe not. House - home - bedroom - bed - DAMNIT!! Life - death - birth - creation - Clow - family - Kero - baka - Kero - kitchen - food - Yukito - Yue - moon - night - sleep - bed - Touya - se- CHIKUSHO!!  
  
  
  
  
  
"Oh! I almost forgot." Sakura delved into her school bag. "Tomoyo said you asked her to make this Kero." The Sun Guardian snatched the tiny package from her and disappeared into his drawer where nothing but shuffling was heard by a young Card Mistress who still didn't know what it was she'd just delivered.  
  
  
  
  
  
"SUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUPPI!! I GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT IT!"  
  
The plush sized panther stormed down the stairs to meet his sister.  
  
"Quiet!" He hissed tearing the tiny box from Nakuru's hands.  
  
"You said you'd tell me what it was for once I'd given it to you." The girl whined.  
  
"Did I not also mention that this is top secret?" The other Guardain nodded. "Then if you're brain hadn't leaked out of your ears when you had them pierced you would have recognised that as my safety clause...AGAINST YOU!"  
  
Ruby blinked. "Sooooooooooo, are you saying you're NOT going to tell me?"  
  
  
  
  
  
"NO!"  
  
Sakura's desktop revererated with her Guardian Beast's reply.  
  
"Well fine!" She shouted back. "I'll just call Tomoyo and ask her to tell me!"  
  
"She swore an oath of secrecy!"  
  
Sakura stamped her foot. "Well I don't even wanna know anyway!"  
  
  
  
  
  
"I'll just ask Eriol!"  
  
"He signed a contract!"  
  
Ruby stamped her foot. 'Oh yeah? Well...well I don't even care anyway!"  
  
  
  
  
  
"I - AM - THE - *KING*!" Eriol declared.  
  
"And I - AM - THE - *QUEEN*!" Tomoyo responded.  
  
The reincarnation looked at her. "Wouldn't that make us...you know...?"  
  
The sweet faced girl smiled coyly and sipped her champagne. "No, I don't know, I have no idea what you are referring to."  
  
Eriol raised his eyebrow and his glass in a toast. "Touche my dear."  
  
  
  
  
  
"Oh so NOW you want me to look!"  
  
"Please Sakura."  
  
The girl kept her hands clamped over her eyes while Kero fluttered wildly in front of her face. "What's in it for me?"  
  
"I'll get you incriminating evidence on anyone you want!"  
  
"Aaaaaaaaand?"  
  
Kero grimaced. "I'll...I'll -."  
  
"Hmmm?" She prompted.  
  
"I'll do what you tell me, I mean *properly* for a - for a week...now will you look?"  
  
"I suppose so." Sakura said magnanimously as she opened her eyes and allowing them to go from saucer to dinner plate size at the sight in font of her.  
  
"Well? What do you think?" The Guardian Beast asked nervously.  
  
Sakura sweat-dropped. "Hoeeee."  
  
  
  
  
  
Suppi looked up from where he was rapidly taking notes from 'The Kama-Sutra For Magical Beings.' Not again!  
  
  
  
  
  
"And THAT is a 'Mad Moment." Eriol pronounced with satisfaction.  
  
Tomoyo was wheezing slightly. "I see what you mean Eriol, there's a lot of skill involved in extended laughter."  
  
"Practice, my dear, simply practice and I must say you have the maniacal expression down to a tee."  
  
"Really?" The girl breathed exitedly.  
  
"Absolutely."  
  
"Well I'd say that calls for another bottle!"  
  
  
  
  
  
- annoying - Ruby - strangulation - death - life - immortality - eternity - boring - Suppi - baka - Kero - food - tasty - Touya - sex...  
  
"Hey, I know what we could do!" Yue cried as though a religiously inspired revelation was upon him.  
  
This was bound to involve sex considering the afore-mentioned tangent of the beings thoughts but Touya nodded dutifully and was unsurprised when Yue suddenly came very close.  
  
"I read about this thing in a book call - well, that's not important, but this uh, *thing* require tremendous skill and athleticism, - " not to mention flexibility -, "I'd even go so far as to say its a scientific -" not to mention physically impossible...supposedly, "- experiment." He smiled winningly, unaware of how his white teeth glinted. "Want to be my lab partner?"  
  
Like most other people with half a brain cell Touya wasn't fooled but also, like most people with half a sex drive, he wasn't about to say no. "One thing though Yue, stay away from 'tousan."  
  
The creation covered his mouth to smother his laughter. "Silly human, a Guardian only takes one mate per lifetime."  
  
"And you want me?"  
  
The increasingly familiar gleam was back in the purple eyes. "I certainly do."  
  
"Alright but tomorrow I want us to try and figure out what's wrong with yo- uh, Yuki."  
  
Though Touya wished it could be less frenzied and more gentle he never the less became swept along and obeyed the scensory urges to touch, taste and see every part of his lover, to smell his incredible hair and to hear his moans while he did it all. 


	8. Losing It

Ooh, I'm definitely rusty  
  
  
  
Hip-hip Yu-ey!  
  
  
  
DISCLAIMER: You know the drill.  
  
  
  
Chapter 8 - Losing It.  
  
  
  
"Yue." Fujitaka acknowledged warmly.  
  
"Fujitaka." Yue returned, prowling down the stairs.  
  
"Have you been here all day?"  
  
The Guardian nodded and stared intensely at the other man as he came to a halt in front of him. The human began to look a little nervous and cleared his throat before speaking a third time. "What have you been doing?"  
  
Yue could feel his mouth pull at the corners gradually being drawn into a full smile. Doing? Well, your son actually. "Oh, this and that..." and that and this...Fujitaka raised his eyebrows encouragingly for more details. Cute, Yue decided.  
  
"We-ell," he began, slipping his arm around the tall mans shoulders. "I suppose the main highlight of the day, the climax as it were, was taking your son, bending him over his desk and-."  
  
"FOUND IT!" Touya yelled taking literally the last eight steps at once as he bounded down to them. "You were right Yue, it had fallen behind my desk."  
  
The Guardian rested his head on Fujitaka's shoulder delighted to see his lovers eyes narrow at the sight. "What had?" He asked disinterestedly.  
  
"The thing I was searching for." The youth's eyes had gone from pleading silently with him to play along to demanding it.  
  
"Oh *that*..." Yue said watching as Touya relaxed. "I thought you found that earlier, you screamed even louder then." He could hear the young mans knuckles crack as he clenched them and the shrill sound of his teeth as he ground them. The Guardian turned to his other subject. "Your son is extremely vocal, especially when-."  
  
Touya lurched forward -"YOU'RE HOME!" His sister cried as she threw herself at their father, Touya had never loved her as much as he did at the moment.  
  
"My daughter's rather noisy too." Fujitaka chuckled scooping the exuberant girl up fully absorbed as Touya disengaged Yue's arm from around his shoulders.  
  
"Honestly Touya," The 'angel' complained as he straightened and stood on his own. "Even a Guardian needs support sometimes, searching for 'the mysteriously untitled object' residing behind your newly initiated bed/desk is exhausting work'." A nerve began twitching in the humans jaw.  
  
"Hmmn?" Fujitaka queried as he stopped listening to his daughters eager chattering and realised he had missed an important part of the conversation. "Sorry I missed that."  
  
The Guardian was more than happy to fill him in. "I was just saying that-."  
  
Touya interrupted again. "He's going to come to my room and help me."  
  
Yue's expression became sardonic. "Have you lost something else?"  
  
"Thats right!" His lover bit out before grabbing his wrist none-too gently and dragging him away.  
  
"I'm just gonna help Touya find something else," the Guardian informed the other two humans, obstinately refusing to speed up. "I have a hunch it'll be the bed this time."  
  
Sakura was having trouble not covering her ears because for one as young as she was she had far too clear an idea of what they really did in her brothers room and she didn't what to think about her oniichan or her Moon Guardian in *that* way!  
  
  
  
  
  
As soon as Touya pushed his disobedient lover inside his room the being promptly bent over the bed, careful not to disturb his kitten and skilfully thrusting his bottom in the air.  
  
"Nope, can't find it Touya."  
  
The young man rolled his eyes and addressed the pert derriere "Give it a rest Yue."  
  
"All you ever do is rest!" Yue cried exasperatedly as he collapsed gently on his front still managing to barely disturb the mattress. "Fujitaka seems far more active..."  
  
The faint sound of scuffed denim told the Guardian that his lover had taken the bait and come forward. "Don't even go there Yue."  
  
"Why? If you don't love me I should really cut my losses and move on and your father is really growing on me. He's taller than you, almost as tall as Clow..." Yue rolled onto his back and stared at the ceiling with an appreciative smile moulding his lips. "I like that. Fantastic shoulders too, slim as any youth and his smile..."  
  
"That's enough." Touya said briskly but with an underlying hardness to his tone.  
  
"I wonder what other traits he shares with Clow...just between you and I, Clow went wild just at the sight of me in the doorway when he was writing, I could make him loose it just by leaning over him fresh from the bath and whispering in his ear...he found me very beautiful." Touya made a small sound in the back of his throat. "What about you Touya..?"  
  
"Me?"  
  
"Hmmm." The angelic body stood and stretched, the fine bones of his jaw exposed as he rotated his head. "Do you find me beautiful?"  
  
"No."  
  
Yue blinked, he could spot a lie instantly...Touya was telling the truth.  
  
"O-oh." He wasn't vain but he was used to people finding him appealing. "Oh." He repeated.  
  
He studied the wall opposite him, this wasn't going according to plan, how do you seduce someone who doesn't find you attractive? He'd managed it last night...sort of.  
  
"Oh." That seemed to be the utterence of the hour.  
  
"I think you're exquisite Yue." The Guardian looked up swiftly and opened his mouth to form the necessary reaction but Touya forestalled him.  
  
"Let me guess, 'oh'?"  
  
Yue shuffled closer. "Then why don't you want me?" He asked in a small voice.  
  
Touya knew he was being played but his heart was somehow programmed to react to such behaviour and he automatically gave reassurance.  
  
"I do want you, the problem is I want all of you, not just you're body. It seems that now the only thing you haven't shared with me is your heart and your thoughts."  
  
"My thoughts aren't actually distinguishable from sex at the moment."  
  
"I noticed that." The human responded dryly.  
  
Gigi roused herself to plod over to Yue's side and climb onto his chest. The Guardian stroked her ears absent-mindedly making a determined effort to put his mind on a different track. He looked at a foortball poster on Touya's wall, football - Touya - sex... well that was obviously going to happen, time to think of something boring, the sun - hot - Touya - sex. Hmmm. Okay, pavement (good start) - hard...maybe not. House - home - bedroom - bed - DAMNIT!! Life - death - birth - creation - Clow - family - Kero - baka - Kero - kitchen - food - Yukito - Yue - moon - night - sleep - bed - Touya - se- CHIKUSHO!!  
  
  
  
  
  
"Oh! I almost forgot." Sakura delved into her school bag. "Tomoyo said you asked her to make this Kero." The Sun Guardian snatched the tiny package from her and disappeared into his drawer where nothing but shuffling was heard by a young Card Mistress who still didn't know what it was she'd just delivered.  
  
  
  
  
  
"SUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUPPI!! I GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT IT!"  
  
The plush sized panther stormed down the stairs to meet his sister.  
  
"Quiet!" He hissed tearing the tiny box from Nakuru's hands.  
  
"You said you'd tell me what it was for once I'd given it to you." The girl whined.  
  
"Did I not also mention that this is top secret?" The other Guardain nodded. "Then if you're brain hadn't leaked out of your ears when you had them pierced you would have recognised that as my safety clause...AGAINST YOU!"  
  
Ruby blinked. "Sooooooooooo, are you saying you're NOT going to tell me?"  
  
  
  
  
  
"NO!"  
  
Sakura's desktop revererated with her Guardian Beast's reply.  
  
"Well fine!" She shouted back. "I'll just call Tomoyo and ask her to tell me!"  
  
"She swore an oath of secrecy!"  
  
Sakura stamped her foot. "Well I don't even wanna know anyway!"  
  
  
  
  
  
"I'll just ask Eriol!"  
  
"He signed a contract!"  
  
Ruby stamped her foot. 'Oh yeah? Well...well I don't even care anyway!"  
  
  
  
  
  
"I - AM - THE - *KING*!" Eriol declared.  
  
"And I - AM - THE - *QUEEN*!" Tomoyo responded.  
  
The reincarnation looked at her. "Wouldn't that make us...you know...?"  
  
The sweet faced girl smiled coyly and sipped her champagne. "No, I don't know, I have no idea what you are referring to."  
  
Eriol raised his eyebrow and his glass in a toast. "Touche my dear."  
  
  
  
  
  
"Oh so NOW you want me to look!"  
  
"Please Sakura."  
  
The girl kept her hands clamped over her eyes while Kero fluttered wildly in front of her face. "What's in it for me?"  
  
"I'll get you incriminating evidence on anyone you want!"  
  
"Aaaaaaaaand?"  
  
Kero grimaced. "I'll...I'll -."  
  
"Hmmm?" She prompted.  
  
"I'll do what you tell me, I mean *properly* for a - for a week...now will you look?"  
  
"I suppose so." Sakura said magnanimously as she opened her eyes and allowing them to go from saucer to dinner plate size at the sight in font of her.  
  
"Well? What do you think?" The Guardian Beast asked nervously.  
  
Sakura sweat-dropped. "Hoeeee."  
  
  
  
  
  
Suppi looked up from where he was rapidly taking notes from 'The Kama-Sutra For Magical Beings.' Not again!  
  
  
  
  
  
"And THAT is a 'Mad Moment." Eriol pronounced with satisfaction.  
  
Tomoyo was wheezing slightly. "I see what you mean Eriol, there's a lot of skill involved in extended laughter."  
  
"Practice, my dear, simply practice and I must say you have the maniacal expression down to a tee."  
  
"Really?" The girl breathed exitedly.  
  
"Absolutely."  
  
"Well I'd say that calls for another bottle!"  
  
  
  
  
  
- annoying - Ruby - strangulation - death - life - immortality - eternity - boring - Suppi - baka - Kero - food - tasty - Touya - sex...  
  
"Hey, I know what we could do!" Yue cried as though a religiously inspired revelation was upon him.  
  
This was bound to involve sex considering the afore-mentioned tangent of the beings thoughts but Touya nodded dutifully and was unsurprised when Yue suddenly came very close.  
  
"I read about this thing in a book call - well, that's not important, but this uh, *thing* require tremendous skill and athleticism, - " not to mention flexibility -, "I'd even go so far as to say its a scientific -" not to mention physically impossible...supposedly, "- experiment." He smiled winningly, unaware of how his white teeth glinted. "Want to be my lab partner?"  
  
Like most other people with half a brain cell Touya wasn't fooled but also, like most people with half a sex drive, he wasn't about to say no. "One thing though Yue, stay away from 'tousan."  
  
The creation covered his mouth to smother his laughter. "Silly human, a Guardian only takes one mate per lifetime."  
  
"And you want me?"  
  
The increasingly familiar gleam was back in the purple eyes. "I certainly do."  
  
"Alright but tomorrow I want us to try and figure out what's wrong with yo- uh, Yuki."  
  
Though Touya wished it could be less frenzied and more gentle he never the less became swept along and obeyed the scensory urges to touch, taste and see every part of his lover, to smell his incredible hair and to hear his moans while he did it all. 


	9. Crafty Angel Busted!

  


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I'd just like to say Welcome!' and Thanks!' to Kira for her very cheerful reviews and to Ember-Fang who claimed this was the funniest thing she'd ever read...aww, shucks!  


  
  
  
Hip-hip Yu-ey!  


  
  
  
DISCLAIMER: Well you know, I tend to think of this as so OOC that I do in fact own everything here except the names...lovely thought.  
  
  
  
  
Chapter 9 - Crafty Angel - Busted!  
  
  
  
  
Keroberos was wearing a tiny tuxedo desperately sucking in a deep breath to stop his little pot belly escaping eagerly underneath his cumberbund.   
  
He gasped, still rebelling against respiration.  
  
  
  
  
Spinel Sun repeated impatiently.  
  
Ruby took in the scene again. Her brother appeared to be wearing a suit. A grey pinstripe, complete with a tie and...a bunch of flowers?  
  
  
  
  
  
Are those chocolates? Sakura choked.  
  
Kero nodded jerkily but found the action made him rather light-headed when combined with the lack of oxygen.  
  
For who?  
  
Her Sun Guardian passed out at this point.  
  
  
  
  
  
They are for the lovely Miss Gigi whom I intend to woo. Spinel declared.  
  
Ruby cocked her head.   
  
No,   
  
Woo *who*?  
  
  
  
Yue's kitten?  
  
  
  
Isn't she a little young for you?  
  
Are you suggesting I'm old? Spinel shrieked indignantly.  
  
Ruby shrugged. Compared to her.  
  
I. Am. Not. Old!  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Touya bolted upright in bed and struggled to surface above the tangle of bedding.  
  
Yue?  
  
  
  
Touya shot out of bed immediately and skidded down the hall and into the bathroom.   
  
What is it?! He gasped raggedly.  
  
Why didn't you tell me!? Yue cried at him with tears and betrayal sparkling in his eyes.   
  
I -.  
  
The Guardian levelled an accusing finger at him.   
  
What happened? The human demanded, utterly bewildered.  
  
Look! Look! Yue screamed and jabbed a finger at his cranium for punctuation.  
  
Obediently, he looked. I'm looking. He informed the irate creation. What am I looking at?  
  
You would lie to me even now!? He began yanking at strands. There and there! And here! He fell to his knees. They're everywhere!  
  
Now Touya began to worry. Did Guardians have emotional breakdowns?  
  
Grey! I'm going greeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeey!  
  
Touya breathed.  
  
Suddenly the youth was kissing him ecstatically but after a brief lapse where the Guardian eagerly returned his attentions he was pushed away.  
  
It's no good, Toya. He began woefully. I can no longer feel passion. My weary body no longer responds. I have ceased to be a man!  
  
You're not a man, Yue.  
  
I know! Yue sobbed brokenly.  
  
No, I mean you never were.  
  
How can you say that! Back in the day -.  
  
About thirty minutes ago actually. Touya reminded him.   
  
Ah yes, Yue sighed. Now all I have are my memories. Oh how quickly these things change!  
  
Touya rolled his eyes. Nothing's changed, Yue.  
  
It has! He insisted. I am old and grey!  
  
You're hair was white anyway.  
  
White? *White*?! It's silver you moron! SILVER! The indignant line of his face crumpled again. Or at least it was...but now... He clenched his fists in his apparently greying hair and sniffed. My youth and beauty is fading  
  
It's just Yuki's hair, I think he's re-emerging. The youth's excitement was clear.  
  
You mean you're stupid lover is doing this!?  
  
Yuki is not stupid and he is *your* false form, remember?  
  
I-, you're right, he's me...I'm him.' Yue's eyes welled up. How could I have forgotten? I'm going senile!  
  
You didn't forget, Touya soothed him patiently. You're just not yourself. Lets go back to bed where you can relax, hm?  
  
The Guardian looked at him suspiciously. This sweet talk isn't gonna get your name in my Will ya know.  
  
the youth began exasperatedly. You're not going to die!  
  
Yue smiled patronisingly and patted the other man's cheek. Ah, the invulnerability of the youn- OH MY GOD! He yanked his hand away as though burned and studied it in panic.  
  
What now? Touya asked him dryly, finding the dramatics increasingly cute.  
  
Yue looked at him though his splayed fingers. Look how pale I am! I'm ghostly! I'm like a vampire! I- mmph!  
  
Touya smiled against the warm lips in satisfaction, the dramatics were cute but the passion was irresistible! Pulling the suddenly boneless Guardian into his lap Touya slipped one hand inside the gaping bathrobe and around the back of the smooth, muscular torso. The other hand cupped the back of his head.  
  
Every time Touya dragged in a breath Yue used the opportunity to release a mew of pleasure. Touya love that. He loved it so much in fact that he decided to leave the Guardian's mouth free for the vocals while he turned his own to pay attention to the rest of the exquisite body.  
  
Has your weary libido kicked in yet, Yue? He murmured once he reached a certain, sensitive area.  
  
After a few moments and much movement in his lap Yue spoke again. N-no...ssssti-ill nothing...  
  
Wells that's odd, Touya muttered wryly, beginning to pull away only to have his head firmly shoved back down.  
  
L-lets just pre-pretend, kay?- Nnn...  
  
His lover chuckled as he obeyed. Wear the young ones out first.  
  
  
  
  
  
That afternoon Yue was sat sedately on a rocking chair he'd conjured when the doorbell rang. His frail hands smoothed the patchwork quilt covering his legs.  
  
Come in, he called feebly and then coughed delicately into a ready handkerchief.  
  
There was silence as no-one entered. Then the bell rang again.  
  
he called weakly.  
  
Silence.  
  
OH FOR FECK SAKE! IT'S OPEN! He yelled.  
  
The door was opened and closed with obvious eagerness and then Spinel Sun appeared in the living room doorway. Yue-san, I have come to pay my respects to - he took in Yue's arrangement. What's wrong?  
  
I have become old. The Moon Guardian informed him sadly.  
  
Oh, I'm sorry to hear that.  
  
Yue shook he head. It comes to us all. He reached for a box of toffees. But age is only the beginning, he added profoundly. Want one?  
  
No thank-you, Spinel refused the offered confectionary.  
  
Yue put the box down and studied his sort-of-cousin. Either he was getting cataracts or the plush panther was wearing a suit. Hmm, cataracts it was then.  
  
He squinted. Anything I can help you with?  
  
  
  
Either he was going deaf or the plush panther was stammering nervously. Hmm, deafness it was then.  
  
He prompted overly loudly, craning his ear towards the speaker. If you're looking for Sakura she went to Tomoyo's the morning with Kero, well, carrying Kero actually. He appeared to be unconscious.  
  
Well, no, I w-was just...wondering...if I could see...Gigi...?  
  
Gigi? She's sleeping. She does that a lot.  
  
Oh, may I wait here until she wakes?  
  
No point. Once she wake up she'll eat, drink, visit the litter tray , then have a scatty fit and then lick herself for half an hour before falling asleep once more.  
  
Spinel and the flowers he was holding wilted visibly.  
  
Yue frowned. Flowers? Yep, definitely cataracts.  
  
Well...maybe another time then. The tiny being floated away dispiritedly. I'll see myself out. His voice broke on the last word and then he heard the door close.  
  
Yue frowned. His voice broke? Yep. He stuck his finger in his ear and wiggled it viciously. Definitely deafness.  
  
  
  
  
  
Touya called as he kicked off his shoes. Silence greeted him as he walked down the hall. He sighed when he found him rocking listlessly beside the window. Have you even moved since I left?  
  
I was all alone...what if I had fallen? The creation hunched his shoulders at the thought and a knitted shawl suddenly produced itself around them.  
  
Yue, listen to me, the human walked over and knelt in front of him with a very serious expression. His hands stopped the chair from rocking. You. Are. Not. Old.  
  
While Spinel Sun was here I went deaf and blind.  
  
Touya ignored that. You are not old and you are still beautiful. He told him.  
  
But once upon a time I was PERFECT!  
  
You still are.  
  
Yue looked at him pathetically from beneath his eyelashes.   
  
  
  
Really, really?  
  
Really, really.  
  
You're still attracted to me?  
  
Ye -.  
  
How could you! Yue rounded on him with sudden outrage. You only want my body!  
  
  
  
A pale fist was clenched over his heart as the Guardian ranted. I am going through a very traumatic experience and all you care about is your sexual gratification!  
  
I-I never said anything about sex! Touya spluttered.  
  
The Guardian rounded on him angrily. Oh, so now you will deny me one of my few remaining pleasures?  
  
Touya was feeling dizzy. You've lost me, Yue.  
  
Slowly, as though speaking to a child, his lover attempted to clear the confusion. It is your duty to service me and I demand that you do so *immediately*!  
  
*Service* you?  
  
His lover's shoulders slumped wearily. Young man, when you reach my age you will understand how tiresome it is to be always repeating oneself. Still sighing he extended an arm in appeal. Carry me.  
  
Touya looked down at the reclining figure and pondered briefly. To carry or not to carry? That was the current question.  
  
Clearly sensing his indecision Yue dropped his arm limply to his side and looked up at him with the most woeful puppy eyes...if puppies had purple eyes that is. Touya new when he was beaten.  
  
We really need to figure out what's going on here. He growled as he scooped him up. During the trip up the stairs his distracting burden almost burrowed himself into his chest and he could feel his skin prickling with the onset of perspiration. Kami! He'd never really had his teenage hormonal phase...was this it? He needed to stop thinking about sex. Right now.   
  
Now. Strip. Yue ordered before his feet were even lowered to the floor.  
  
Touya almost dropped him as he choked. E-excuse me!?  
  
While you hesitate Toya I wither further on the vine.  
  
Touya rolled his eyes and once more did as he was told. You're a complete hentai you realised.  
  
Yue was still watching him closely as he replied. I prefer to think of myself as a cradle robber.  
  
  
  
  
  
When they heard the sound of the door opening and closing as Sakura returned Touya climbed out of the bed and into his clothes.  
  
'tousan's home late tonight and its my turn to make tea. He explained to Yue. Come on down and I'll fix some for you too.  
  
The Guardian just nodded, for the past twenty minutes he'd been silent. Touya didn't know if it was post-coital or another mood swing, he really hoped it wasn't the latter but just in case he was preparing a retreat.  
  
Yue didn't blink as the door clicked closed or even as Gigi began having a scatty fit.  
  
  
  
  
  
Kero, why the hell are you wearing a tuxedo?  
  
The Guardian Beast glared at the dark youth standing on the stairs and continued scoffing a box of chocolates.  
  
Kero! I thought they were for Gigi! Sakura scolded from where she was hanging her coat.  
  
They were. Came the short reply.  
  
What's got you in such a snit? Touya asked him.  
  
His sister chose to answer. He's heartsick. He -.  
  
Speaking of, Kero interrupted with a warning glare at his mistress. Where's Yue?  
  
The young man had the good grace to blush before the aforementioned absent lover appeared at the top of the steps behind him looking faintly bewildered.  
  
Yo Bro! Kero called out around a sticky mouth-full.  
  
Yue raised an eyebrow. Bro? He then proceeded to frown. Why the hell was Kero wearing a tuxedo?  
  
  
  
  
  
The next morning Touya awoke to find a pair of unique purple eyes watching him with a soft expression. The band of gold around his pupils had disappeared and a quick scan of his hair revealed a lack of the recent grey arrivals. He wondered what that meant...  
  
Last night had been a very quiet one. He'd actually been able to get some work done, although Yue's new habit of sitting rigidly on the sidelines was somehow just as distracting as the former sexual harassment. Just as he began to understand one mindset the Guardian switched to another. What was this one all about? He watched warily to find out...  
  
...and gasped when Yue leaned towards him and covered his mouth. He couldn't describe what it was exactly but they had never *ever* kissed like that.  
  
When they broke the moment Yue rubbed his perfect little nose against his.  
  
Good morning. He whispered. Feel like making love?  
  
Damnit Yu-. Touya froze mid-complaint (by now an automatic response) and halfway through the process of rolling his eyes (also automatic). What did you say?  
  
With a sensual smile Yue tugged the human over his torso and repeated himself. Make love to me.  
  
After a brief hesitation and perhaps for the first time, Touya did so wholeheartedly.  
  
  
  
  
  
Well, he seems to have gotten over the mid-life crisis. Touya informed him. But when will the rest of it end?  
  
Eriol blinked in confusion, *genuine* confusion, even he couldn't have feigned it this well. It already has  
  
Touya stopped pinching the bridge of his nose abruptly. Excuse me?  
  
The magic, it ended early evening yesterday.  
  
So that means  
  
Yue's back to normal now  
  
The youth was silent for several seconds before a sly smile took hold of his mouth. Is that so? The reincarnation nodded warily and jumped back when Touya twirled suddenly and punched the air with a whoop of triumph. He managed to school his expression slightly but still could not keep the laughter from his face. Thank-you Eriol, I was just checking. His whistle when he walked away was decidedly jaunty and no way was his loping gait usually quite so exuberant.  
  
Eriol frowned, I'm not in on this oneI hate that!  
  
  
  
  
  
Touya found Yue mulling over one of his motorcycle magazines but the Guardian looked up with an immediate smile when the human entered the room.  
  
Konnichiwa, Toya. He rose fluidly from the armchair dislodging Gigi from his lap. His liquid grace as he approached his lover was beyond that of any cat.  
  
Touya acknowledged calmly until the perfect face was close enough for him to look down slightly and make out each individual platinum strand and the exotic, indiscernible flecks of colour in the stunning eyes.  
  
He proceeded with caution, he knew nothing of magic beyond what he'd once had but he supposed it was possible for there to be after effects of magic like this, maybe Yue had still beenunder the influence' this morning.  
  
Surely now though there could be no other explanation than genuine desire as the Guardian leaned forward and kissed him softly and lingeringly in the same manner he had woken him.  
  
Somewhere in an increasingly clouded mind Touya felt a deep and amused affection. Crafty angel  
  
Make love with me Yue whispered when he drew back. Touya nodded mutely and led the way. This was the second time today the pale lips had requested love rather than sex.  
  
Afterwards he held the smaller, shuddering body protectively as the slender hands clutched the bed covers in tight fists. When Yue calmed he looked up threw messy silver bangs and smiled a little shakily. The heated flush was only just fading from the marble skin and the beautiful eyes were still half-mast with bliss. He expected to hear purring any moment now but instead the Guardian sighed. The darker of the two shifted accommodatingly as slender arms came around him and a silky head nuzzled closer.  
  
Sleep now. Yue murmured as though incapable of anything more.  
  
Yue? Is there something you wanted to tell me?  
  
  
  
A confession perhaps  
  
He felt the soft mouth bend into a smile against his collar bone. Aishiteru Toya  
  
Touya froze, that certainly wasn't the confession he'd been expecting. I -.  
  
The slender leg that was thrown over his hips stopped him from piecing together a response as the sleepy Guardian worked himself even closer against Touya's warm flesh. Ssshhhhh, koi. Sleep now.  
  
Touya's didn't even waste his time attempting the impossible, he lay awake until the warmth they were generating between them slowed his thoughts and dragged him into dreams far less incredible than the one he was currently living.  
  


  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
The reason the writing is so appalling in this chapter is because this fic is the hardest to update and I just got pissed off with it I rushed it. Sorry it's lost steam but it will be completed. I don't see there being much left to write now. Thanks for bearing with me!

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